We were asked to write down five good and five bad points about ourselves in terms of communication skills we are learning. I could find four good and four bad points at the time of writing them in the class. My good points were active listening, sitting in silence, reading body language and acting confidently. Actually, I don't consider myself excellent about these things, but I didn’t find any better ones. My bad points were finding correct words, speaking fluently, being concise in telling a story and using my voice. The first three bad points seems to be, to some extend, related to English. I think I am a bit better in those points when I speak Turkish rather than English. I think the last point is about giving an excited, high-pitched voice instead of a calm, deep voice. I would feel better if could change that.

Alan said the change has to come from the clients themselves. I can't change others. If I change myself, they may have to change themselves to adapt the new me. An example of this was saying no. Yes, I think I can see how changing myself could change others. However, dealing with this example, the change they experience may be peculiar to me. I mean if I started to say no to them, their behaviour could change towards me, but they would probably look for someone else to milk, which wouldn't matter to me as changing others should be none of my business unless it affects me.

Alan held normal healthy bereavement could take 2 years. I haven't experienced any bereavement. Nobody very close to me has died yet. If they did, I feel that I wouldn't be affected too much. The last time when I lost someone close to me was when my two maternal uncles died last year. I had some good memories with them, but we didn't have really close relationships. I could say I didn't get upset because of the news. (Well, I could 'say' it, but I never did. The relatives, especially my mum, wouldn't want to hear that fact, so I didn't mention how I felt. If they wouldn't accept my feelings as they are, and would advice me how I should feel, why would I bother to tell them?)

Alan claimed most people have shit in their life, but only a few people go to counselling. Others try to cope with their problems by different ways like arguing or drinking. Yet most of us could get benefit from counselling. What do I do to cope with my emotions? When I experience unpleasant emotions, I try several ways. I sometimes try to understand my feelings by attempting to analyse connections between my thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I see that just to be aware of what is going on inside me often makes me feel better. If the feeling stems from a person, I may talk to that person so that I can feel relief. Sometimes (nowadays rarely) it comes to a point that I can do nothing but weeping in a silent corner. Although I have managed to harden myself a bit in the process of overcoming social phobia (that's my ex-friend), I think I'm still too sensitive. I think I could get benefit from counselling. And I want to give it a try. I heard that the college provides counselling free of charge. That is great. So what am I waiting for? Maybe I consider my problems too small to waste the college's time. Maybe I feel too embarrassed to reveal my garbage. I will wait and see.